It is easy, in the busy lives that we all lead, to overlook – or not pay attention to – the impact that we have on those people who we interact with. A big part of emotional intelligence is self-awareness and the ability to gauge the impact/ impression that we have on other people when/ while we’re interacting with them.
As I teach Eastern Institute of Technology commerce students, how we say what we say is just as important as the content (i.e. the “what” element) of our message/ communication. “How” we put across our views/ perspectives is about “manner” – the way in which we communicate.
The next time you’re talking with someone, pay close attention to their reaction (body language/ facial expressions) as you express your thoughts. Are their reactions suggestive of them being “open” towards (receptive/ inviting of) your views, or are they instead squinting in anguish as you deliver your messages in a manner similar to a jet fighter with rapid-fire capability.
I know the following to be a truism…
Long after our words and actions have been forgotten; how we make people “feel” will be remembered.
Therefore, pay special attention to how you say what you have to say, the next time you’re catching-up with someone. For it is how you put across your views that will be remembered, long after your spoken words are forgotten.
Secondly, be sure to communicate what you actually want to say. Too often I see people attempt to impress others by using vocabulary or jargon that either they are clearly unfamiliar with and/ or which is used out of its correct context. To achieve open and honest communication, we must say what we mean and mean what we say.
And finally, we need to communicate with others in a manner which is open and direct, yet which also establishes and preserves kindness and respect. There is no point in using glossy/ flowery language to communicate a perspective – recipients of your message need to accurately interpret what you’re talking about if they’re to understand your perspective. In my view, the PC Culture of saying the right thing in order to appease others (and in doing so avoid conflict) does no-one any favours – mainly for the reason that such messages are “engineered” and not truthful.
This is what I teach tertiary level students about interacting face-to-face with others – written onto a good old fashioned whiteboard in a Eastern Institute of Technology classroom on 31st October, 2018. These understandings underpin how students approach the delivery of their verbal presentations in respect of their formal course assessments:
Gems to Remember When Interacting With Others
As a consequence, I can already see signs of mature, respectful young leaders starting to emerge – people who aren’t afraid to speak their minds openly and honestly in order to deal with “facts” out in the open – and who aren’t afraid to challenge the status quo (i.e. constructively question the legitimacy of information presented in order to look for – or offer – alternative solutions). More of this needs to happen in all areas of human life.